Intergalactic House of Paisley

Today's experiment actually started last night, when I got an almost-seven pound pork butt (1) from the fridge, decanted it from its plastic shroud and, once I determined it needed no trimming of its external fat, I proceeded to slather it with two tablespoons of Gulden's spicy mustard, then covered it in a mixture of Jack Stack meat and poultry spice rub, some of the jerk seasoning James Hollaman brought me back from his trip to Hell, brown sugar, kosher salt, and granulated garlic.

Once this was applied to all sides of the beast, I broke out my Cajun Injector (not a euphemism) and placed a mixture of apple cider, balsamic vinegar, garlic, and melted butter in various locations deep inside the meat. It then went into the fridge to stew in its new juices overnight.

This morning, I somehow slept until 8a, which put me slightly behind my schedule. Once I felt caffeinated enough
to play with fire, I got a chimney of coals ready, soaked a mixture of hickory and pecan chips plus some fresh rosemary in water, and prepared my Brinkmann smoker, Ol' Artie Deco, for action again. At roughly 10a, the pork went into the smoker, and the sweet scent of smouldering (2) wood soon filled the air. After two hours, I commenced regular basting of the meat with the leftover marinade, along with occasional replenishment of the smoke and coals.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was forced to bring it in at 5p, when I wrapped it in foil, poured the remaining marinade/baste over it, sealed it tightly, and put in a 250˚ oven for another 1.5 hours. Once the fantasy football draft was over, I pulled it from the oven and let it rest for 15 minutes while the Julienne potatoes cooked on the stovetop.

On the plus side: it was incredibly tender and moist, even before I ladled some of the drippings over the pulled meat. Margene S. Bahm said it was the best pork she'd ever had (nae2). Paula Helm Murray was equally impressed.

For me, the less good part was that neither the rub nor the marinade had imparted much of any flavor onto the meat. The smoke was good, but I couldn't detect much of the various herbs and spices I had used. Additionally, despite seven hours in the smoker, the bark it developed was not particularly crisp, even before it went into the oven.

Overall, I was pleased for a first-time effort. It's more than edible, and I will be doing this again. I think part of the issue was not having Artie hot enough at the start (his temp gauge reads "cool," "ideal," and "hot," and I've never found a proper gauge that will fit him). Maybe more brown sugar in the rub. Definitely more spice, which will flow.

In any event, a good start. And the lesson is, with the right combination of rubbing and injection, you can make a 99¢/lb. butt taste delicious.

(1) huh-huh huh-huh, butt. Happy now?

(2) For my Canuckistani and British friends.

Sunday Dragonet and I went to Lawrence, and cooked dinner for her mother, who is still recovering from breaking her arm last month. The elbow is doing fine, but the wrist is still healing, and there's a lot of stuff she can't do. So we brought up a spiral-sliced ham and made sides there. It was very tasty, and this morning I went to Sun Fresh to get one for us, per Rohanna.

As it turned out, there was a lovely ham, over twice the size of the one we had gotten, at rather less than half the price, waiting for me in the "scratch and dent" meat bin. While I was checking out the rest of the items on markdown, a rather large individual came up next to me and started pawing through the packages, all the while talking to himself. Suddenly he blurted out: "Damn, there's nothin' but fuckin' hog here. I don't eat nuthin' that eats its own shit. Fuck!" I studiously ignored him, but then he spoke to me, asking "Anything that's not fuckin' pig over there?" I pointed to some packages of ground beef, and he said "I don't eat no fuckin' fried food. Fuck."

After a few more seconds, he reached over to the nondiscounted part of the bin, and picked up a package of chicken breasts, then wandered off. I briefly considered mentioning the finer parts of the diet of your average chicken, then decided it was better left unsaid.

I currently have a pot of chili cooking made from two packages of country-style ribs I found there. Nom nom.

Dragonet and I had already decided to have our anniversary dinner at the new Austrian restaurant in the Freighthouse District, Grünauer. Holy Anschlüß, what a place!

They have an excellent variety of local (i.e., Boulevard) and imported beers, including Boulevard's Tank 7 Farmhouse Ale on tap (normally only available in the champagne bottle as part of their Smokestack Series), which I ordered immediately. Amazingly good beer. Highest recommendation, if you live in the 10 state where it is available.

We started with liptauer cheese & Pâté with thin rye toast points. Incredibly good. Dragonet had the classic Wiener Schnitzel, which came in two pieces, each roughly the size of a Buick, and a trio of side salads (tomato, potato and cucumber) She pronounced them all wonderful, and the single bite of schnitzel she gave me was wonderful: juicy, tasty, with a just right breading.

Grünauer offers six different sausages,and you can get one, two or the sampler, with one of each. Guess what I went for*. Käsekrainer (pork with cheddar cheese), Berliner (German curry wurst), Nürenberger (veal sausage), Frankfurter (traditional), Bratwurst (veal and pork) and Chorizo (spicy pork). All of them were incredible, as were the pomme frites I substituted for the mashed potatoes and cabbage side. Both of us have lunch for tomorrow.

The service was attentive without being overwhelming, and when I asked our waiter what a particular song playing in the background was, he quickly got me the information. Overall, it was a great evening, and I recommend Grünauer quite highly.

Afterwards, we went to the Plaza and checked out the Pr0n. The Apple Store, you preverts.

So, 32 years down. And into the future we go, together.


*Paul Burns's protestations notwithstanding, I do not actually shop in that mall (windowshop, maybe, sometimes, but . . .)

To celebrate the State of Kansas finally getting around to distributing the unemployment extension from last summer/fall, we went the new brunch being offered at the 75th St. Brewery. $12.99/person, all you can eat tables o' food, plus omlettes to order and Eggs Benedict. We showed up just after 11a, and caught the pre-church lull perfectly. The only downside was that the first two beers I tried to order (Dante's Dream, a Belgian ale, and the Irish Red Ale) were no longer available. They were both seasonals, so that happens. Our server then informed me that among the guest beers they had on tap was Unibroue's Trois Pistoles, which I immediately ordered. So when I was heading back to the table with my first plate, I hear the bartender announce "that's the bottom of the Three Pistols." Alas, they did not have another keg, so they gave me the half-glass that had poured as a "taster," and I had the nummy IPA. Good food, good beer, a very good price. I recommend it highly.

Ratings: Trois Pistoles, 7.75; Good Hope IPA, 7.

Sated, we headed into the wilds of Overland Park to hit Microcenter. Ro priced laptops, Dragonet got the adapter cable she needed to hook up her monitor to her laptop, and I was pleasantly surprised to find they had the Sonnet USB 2.0 card I had mentioned in the previous post on hand. A quick stop at Whole Paycheck resulted in the acquisition of two large buffalo chuck roasts ($3.99/lb through next week), and we headed back home.

The new card installed quickly and easily, and boy it makes working with the external drive a whole hell of a lot faster. Joy. Now back to feetsball and cleaning.

Review of the Prime Rib Grill, in the KC Star today. This, to my mind, is the highlight:

If you have the appetite of a rancher, try prime rib Fridays. From 4 to 10 p.m., you can order a 10-ounce cut for $21.95, includes soup or salad and a side, and then you get free 8-ounce cuts until you’re done.

This must happen. And soon. With many people. Nom nom nom.

The lasagna went over well, both Dragonet and Rohanna raved. The latter had more for lunch and dinner today. I was reasonably happy with it. Inasmuch at Ro is not a fan of red sauces in general, I decided to try using a recipe i found in the current issue of Cooks Illustrated whilst performing my nightly ablutions (yes, our bathroom reading is cookbooks and cooking magazines). It used crushed tomatoes (though I subbed diced tomatoes, because I couldn't remember when we were at the store), rather than tomato sauce as a base, with onions and garlic* sauteed in butter with the usual herbs and spices.

Overall, it was good, but I think the sausage was a bit bland (I had intended to get a half-pound of hot Italian sausage, but Cosentino's only had largeish packages of Scimeca's hot, and i didn't need that much), and I should have added more seasoning to the mix. Next time I'll drop a tablespoon of Italian seasoning in the ricotta/mozzarella/egg mixture, and maybe a small can of tomato sauce in with the crushed tomatoes. The ladies liked it, so good, but I'm my own worst critic in this, like so many areas.

At work, I spent most of the day dealing with all the work that didn't get done on Monday, which seems to be a continuing theme of the new system. Of course, I'm supposed to get everything caught up on Friday when we're short a worker, but that doesn't seem to apply when I'm gone. The most amusing part came when a box of material we sent out Friday came back from a client in Topeka. it's a bunch of stuff for the 100th anniversary of St. Francis hospital in Topeka. Apparently a number of the pieces were supposed to be C.O.B.'d** but no one mentioned it to moi. And then there was the problem that several of the pieces, which were 2.5 to 3 feet tall, and mounted on a 1/8" plastic board, weren't standing up straight enough for the client. Well, duh! The material in question is no more capable of holding itself up straight than your average freshman at their first kegger. After a couple of experiments, I figured out a way to attach strips of gator board to the back of the signs that seem to be enough to provide a Cialis-like boost to the signs (individual bathtubs not included, and what the fuck is up with that imagery anyway? But I digress; I have always had digrestive problems). We sent one sample back, if the client likes it, I'll fix the rest of them tomorrow.

Oh yeah, and fuck Clapton. Greinke is God! Six starts, six wins, two shutouts, 45 innings, two earned runs. Leads the majors in wins, strikouts and ERA. Now, if we could just dump Sir Sidney and bring up Hochever, the Royals would have the best starting staff in the majors.


**Cut Out Background. Like removing the sky above a rooftop, or a building behind a person, so it/they stand out from the rest of the graphic.

UPDATE!: Oops, I forgot the first footnote, which should have read something like: "*The recipe called for two cloves of garlic, which is not even remotely enough to be worth considering. I used six or seven medium to large cloves, which is the low end of enough. Have I mentioned that my cookbook, when I publish one, will be called "Garlic Is Assumed"?

Got out of the house late this morning to do some grocery shopping, due to the need to do a load of laundry, which was due to the comeplete lack of clean undergarments (and no, I wasn't wearing my kilt to go grocery shopping). We hit the Price Chopper on North Oak, then headed over to the City Market to get Italian sausage and lasagna noodles at the Italian grocery there, only to discover they are closed on Mondays. We considered hitting their sister store in Brookside, but opted to go to the Cosentino's downtown, which had what we needed.

At that point, luch beckoned, and we headed over to Grinders, a great deli/restaurant/live music venue at 18th and Oak. We headed toward the back, and sat down in sight of a tv showing that douchebag Bobby Flay*. Just after we placed our orders, in walks Stretch, the sculptor/owner/entrepreneur of the operation, who announces that his appearance on Guy's Big Bite is about to air, and he sits down next to us to watch it. Guy Fiero had profiled Grinder's on his Diners and Dives show a while back, and the two hit it off well enough that Stretch was brought to NYC to make one of his signature pizzas in Guy's kitchen. Stretch provided a running commentary throughout the show, mentioning bits that got cut and jokes that they had played on each other. It was a wondrful experience.

And Grinder's is an amazing restaurant. the variety of food is incredible, from goat cheese salads to New York pizzas with ingredients like gorgonzola and tandoori chicken available. And the selection of beers is top-notch, including three from Montreal's Unibroue on tap. I mentioned the con to Stretch and his assistant, Holly, and they were very enthused, and offered to provide coupons to give to the membership. Grinders is four blocks north of the Hyatt, and well worth the trip.

in a little bit, I will be heading downstairs to get the lasagna started. Haven't made it in years, but I think I can remember how. Om nom.

*For awhile, i as one of the top responses to googling "That Douchebag Bobby Flay." Mayhap I'll get back up there again.

We hit the grocery stores this morning, and stocked up on a variety of dead animals, including a nice trio of KC strip steaks in the Sun Fresh clearance bin, then wandered over to Aldi and acquired some cheap stuff there.

Back home for a rest, then off to the Nelson-Atkins to see the Mughal exhibit. It consists of pages from various books from the 16th and 17th centuries, with an amazing amount of detail (to the extent that magnifying glasses are provided so you can the individual flowers and the patterns on the clothes and the feathers on the birds). The colors are incredibly vivid, even after all this time. If you get the opportunity, I recommend it very highly. The large signs describing the various parts of the exhibit are very well done, as well. It's very rare that I get to see the fruits of my labors.

Part of the festivities today included dancing and music, and samples of Indian food. By the time we got back to the main hall, there was an Indian rock band playing, and the line for the food was almost as long as the line to get into the exhibit, so we wandered around the gift shop for a bit, then headed home.

At 5p, with one eye on the weather, I fired up the grill and prepped the steaks. We had acquired two bags of IQF chicken breasts, and Dragonet thought it would be good to throw a few of them on the grill for use in recipes in the future. The bag we opened had six huge breasts, so we threw them in a ziploc with Italian dressing and then cooked them all. The steaks came out just right for all of us (cooking three steaks to three different degrees of doneness is an art, I tell ya), and the chicken finished shortly after dinner did. Having had nothing to eat all day, I had the smallest of the chicken breasts after I finished my steak. And now (actually, as I typed the hyphen in Nelson-Atkins), the rain started, and I hustled downstairs to put the grill and accoutrements away.

And now, for a quiet evening of digesting. Om nom nom.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. After my thrilling 94th out of 107 finish in the Lawyers, Guns and Money NCAA bracket, I decided to participate in their ESPN-based fantasy baseball league. I had to come up with a name for my squad, and after a bit of thinking decided to name them after my favorite black Irish baseball player, thus O'Quendo's Irish Rovers. We'll see how they do. In real world baseball news, I don't think we'll be braving the 40˚ weather and possible snow to check out Kauffman tomorrow. Such is life.

Mmmmm, pork and bacon tacos with salsa we picked up at the food thingie today, and a bottle of Jewbelation 12. Om nom nom.

I see I forgot to post about my date with NPulsifer and Gisele Wednesday night. We went to the Trouser Mouse, a bar in Blue Springs, to see The Clumsy Lovers, a Celtic/bluegrass/rock band from Vancouver. This was another smoking venue, albeit a well-ventilated one, and the smallish crowd wasn't lighting off each other's butts (not a euphemism), so the atmosphere was close to Earth-like. They played a typically eclectic set, with highlights that included a semi-reggae version of "Folsom Prison Blues" segueing into (with no change in the music) "Pinball Wizard," and a virtuoso performance by Jason Homey, who switched from banjo(1) to guitar to violin to bass in the course of a single song. Amazing stuff. If you get a chance to see them, you definitely owe it to yourselves to do so.

Friday was another thrilling day at work, cutting 1/2" gator board with a large device that involved dragging a blade across the board repeatedly until it was cut through. My arms and shoulders were not happy. After I got home, I was deputized to order and pick up pizza from the best pizza place in the entire fucking universe(2), Waldo Pizza. Given that pick-up orders were taking an hour, it was a wise choice to forego the delivery. While I waited for our order, enjoying a glass of O'Dell's 5 Barrel Pale Ale, the guy next to me ordered Hamm's for himself and his friend. Either I gave him an involuntary odd look, or he picked up my "WTF?" vibe, but he looked at me and said, "It's cheap! And there is worse." I did have to concede that point. but check out their beer offerings. Absolutely amazing. I mean, Cooper's Vintage at a pizza joint?

Once I acquired our dinner, I raced home and we all chowed down while waiting for the KU game to start. The game played out pretty much as I expected. Aldrich and Collins did everything they could, but in the end the lack of experience overall led to mistakes and misfires, and they lost, 67-62. At least Missouri lost today.

Despite the cold and rain, we all got up at a reasonable hour and headed out to the Eat Local Exhibition of Farmers. It's a wonderful opportunity to meet area farmers and ranchers and pick up locally raised meats and locally grown produce, plus cheeses, preserves and more. While we were there, the rain began to change to sleet. We headed over to Penzeys to pick up herbs and spices, then went around the corner to a nice little Wicca/new age type store called Crescent Springs, there to await the arrival of our friends in Queen's Gambit, who came up from Oklahoma (at least some of them) to hold a CD debut party. Well over a dozen people turned out to see them, and they responded with a couple of sets of fine music, and lots of fun. For any Oklahomans in the audience, they'll be doing another release party in Tulsa tomorrow. Check their website for details.

And now we're home, and the snow continues to fall. It's really quite pretty out, and the driving wasn't bad at all. And tomorrow it's supposed to get up to 42˚ with sunshine. But for tonight, hunkering down with family and food and drink.

Everyone stay warm and safe out there.


(1) And not just any banjo, a solid-body electric banjo, with everything except a whammy bar.

(2) Yeah, yeah, New York and Chicago, if I want grease-soaked manhole covers or dough-wrapped casseroles, I know where to find them. This is Piiiiiiiizzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! [/300]